Greyashe chapter 361 is entitled "Instants VI."

Previous chapter 360: Instants V.

Next chapter 362: Status report.

Summary page

-Short summary-

At death's door true feelings have a way of finding their way to the light whether they be the feelings of the dying or those around them.

-Long summary-

Detractors and supporters of alchemy alike bear one similarity in common, which is the compensation for using the said ability. Agape for example has a withdrawal that will occur if the magic no longer loves the user. Said withdrawal can range from the inability to use magic to magic actually killing it's host in a fit of jealousy. As with many things in the world, people accepted this as a unchallengeable truth. Like the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening, this was just something that has a reasonable explanation and therefore just is. That being said, the ironic thing about alchemy is that from appearances it does not seem to have any kind of compensation for it's use. There are no studies that have a focus on what happens if one fails to keep up with their "alchemic route", and no first hand experiences of what happens if an alchemy user pushes themselves too hard. While there are many other specific reasons as to why people prefer to use agape to alchemy; ranging from instant gratification to emotions being an easier well to tap into than knowledge and reason, this reason has to be the most widespread. No one knows exactly what happens to an alchemist who messes up and abuses his power.

Lazaro Runelight lies in the snow unmoving, unafraid. This is death? Like the life that had preceded it, the whole matter of dying seems so pointless and needlessly slow. If he's really going to die it should just happen, and stop wasting his time. The dying God to be does notice that his body feels strange. Almost weightless, like the air had been knocked out of him. In fact, he's finding it hard to breathe...is this a result of him over using his power? Allowing an emotion besides haughty pride to take over his thoughts and actions? He hates to admit it, but he really never gave much thought to how and why his power works. The Go--, young man had simply chosen alchemy over agape because he felt he could never love again. Too much had been taken from his still developing heart for him to stare agape in it's nonexistent eye and truly believe that he could trust it, however he didn't think he was smart enough to take alchemy on once he had encountered it. Little did he know that the knowledge of himself was more than enough reason for the alchemy to work. How truly strange indeed, that a boy of seventeen would discover something that scholars of the supernatural would never understand. Prerequisite knowledge comes in different forms --just like love. Are the two powers really that dissimilar then? Could this rejection now occurring in his body be the same as agape choosing to kill it's lover after being spurned?

It really doesn't matter now does it?

He's dying and that is clear. Lazaro feels his throat burning as if an invisible force is straddling him and applying pressure to his neck. He can't breathe, or move, and soon he won't be able to think. Death is this: everything ending one after another, and being unable to do anything about it. Still he had accomplished what he set out to do.....or did he? Wasn't there a loftier goal in mind? Something major he wanted to accomplish? Funny how it seemed so important just moments ago, and now he can barely remember it. Life truly is an odd thing. He looks up into the sky as his eyes begin to blur and sees figures standing over him. They seem familiar to him somehow, and while he feels like he should be apprehensive of their appearance, he just can't summon the justification to be anything other than tired. Then it comes to him. When he had nearly died trying to develop his powers, and even on that night where everyone had been slaughtered he had seen these figures draped in black and without any identifying features. Ah so this must be death personified --kind of. So they've come to take him away then? So be it. He's ready to-- wait. Wait. There was someone he was doing this for right? The memories flood into his head, a broken faucet of pure recollection pours images into his subconscious. He has to see that person again, even if it's for the last time! Using the last bit of strength he can summon, he calls out for them in a weak voice that sounds like a baby's sleepy utterances...

Candle and Roysé find their way to the clearing where Lazaro and Baker had their fateful final encounter. The two had been blown away by the winds and snow, and the girls had lost track of them. Candle slows to a walk as they approach which Roysé notices but does not comment on. Candle allows herself an unhappy smile, and a whisper that "I hope you find peace". Even with her senses dulling, she knows now who came away from the confrontation a victor. Even if the truth is that he never viewed her as a comrade, she still loves them --both of them. Their actions are wrong, and there is no forgiveness for that, but they are still her people. This jumble of emotions is what humans have to deal with on a daily basis, and being able to while still remaining unafraid of death is what makes them strong. Truly they are incredible beings.

Roysé notices a few people of Greyashe standing over someone, and makes her way over. Nancy, Nick and Sikes are there as well with solemn expressions which do not fade as Roysé approaches. The angel can tell it's them despite her blindness, and skips formalities when she meets them. She asks quickly --maybe too quickly, what's going on and for a moment is met only with silence. Sikes glances at both of his "children", and wistfully replies to Roysé that their city had been saved by Lazaro, but it's clear he will not survive. The angel stiffens, but remains calm nodding slowly as Sikes explains. Nancy and Nick give her a look, unable to voice their pity for the angelic girl while masking another unsaid emotion that Roysé picks up on. Surprising even herself with her lack of tact, she asks why they're hiding something from her. There's something they want to say, and for one reason or another they're keeping it to themselves. Why is that?

Nick shivers, not cold but unnerved by how they had been read. Being a farseer means reading others but not being "read" as easily. This is a first time experience for him and he's not sure how to react. Nancy replies to her that he had been calling out for her since they got here. He's afraid of dying, or to be more precise afraid of dying without seeing her again. They had been able to sense his feelings before coming here and they had gone from resolution, to realization, and finally regret. He doesn't want to die here alone without seeing her again, and is fighting even now. Roysé swallows and steps forward, past the three and other people there to be with him. She's not entirely sure what she can do for him, and that's why the others were hesitant in telling her. The wrong words, the wrong actions could be the final nail in the coffin.  She stands before his sprawled form in the snow, and is saved by her blindness. Lazaro's face is white as the snow he lies in, and his eyes are bulging as he tries to breathe and fails. Still he gasps a breath and manages to stutter out "Roysé" upon her arrival. She stifles a quiet sob of her own before answering him sweetly, quietly that she's here. This calms him down and evens his breathing. He apologizes to her for dying like this, before he was able to create his kingdom with her as queen. Roysé replies that he shouldn't worry, she's fine...they're all safe thanks to him. She realizes she's never once heard him apologize for anything, and that only makes her heart ache more. Why does this keep happening? The people she cares about throw themselves away to protect her, leaving her with only pain and heartache. Even now images of her precious one flood her subconscious and drip out of her eyes in the form of cold tears. She finally asks him the question she had in mind for so long...why her? To some extent she knows it's because she's an angel and he seemed to have picked up on that somehow, but that doesn't explain the dedication, the declarations and....everything.

Lazaro gasps, and she can tell that he has started crying too --one more knife in her heart. That was the initial reason, yes, but really it was because he could tell that she like him had lost not just someone important to her but everything. She had learned to live with a hole in her heart, something he hadn't been able to master even with all of his strength. He wanted to learn how she has managed to do it for so long and all alone. Maybe it's not love in the traditional sense, but he had come to love her genuinely. Not as an angel, or as a person, but as someone with a heart like his. Aching because of loss, but unable to accept loss and regret as the only options for life. Even without knowing each other's pain, they still have something deep, intrinsic in common.

In an instant Roysé understands.

"If you cannot be happy, make someone else happy".

It had been her mantra for the better part of her long life, but she never really took time to understand what those words meant. Sacrifice your own happiness for others? Perhaps that is one way to interpret it, perhaps there is a multitude of ways to interpret those words, just like there are a multitude of ways to love and to live. Then what is her interpretation?

She bends down and cradles his head in her lap, taking one of his hands and pressing her forehead against his. Lazaro begins to say something but she shushes him gently and quietly says that he won't die. It is forbidden for him to even think about dying, as he has a kingdom to create. It had been far too long since either of them had been close to anyone like this hadn't it? Happiness is...closeness. In this world there are so many people that one can get close to, for an infinite amount of reasons. Similar interests, for support, for love, ...it's endless really. Yet, out of everyone, he had chosen her. To be chosen, to be ignored, to love, to lose....all of them happen in instants all over the world endlessly repeating until the end, and this really is the end.

She whispers to him. "That is why you can't die now. I have to return the happiness you've given me by seeking." Lazaro's breathing is even and he closes his eyes. The farseers around them are silent as the snow begins to fall around them, whiter and more beautiful than the snow they're accustomed to. Emotions pure and white, from the sky. 

Two hearts had found their way to each other, and now begin anew as one emotion.